Signs that someone has been here.

These are the signs that someone has been here and gone. Food, beach bags, sand toys with sand still in them, watermelon eaten on a hot afternoon, luggage, a rental car, airline wings, pony tail holders, favorite cookies from our favorite bakery in Milton Florida, TUMS, new bathroom hardware installed, new tile in a newly painted laundry room installed by a kind son-in-law. All these things and more are signs that somebody was here and now they have gone.

Goodbye, my Childhood home

The kids came this month. They same to say hello and they also came to say goodbye . . to the home they grew up in.

Clay was here by himself for 9 months. He lived in our home while attending school. Two months ago, he obtained work in Alaska with a cruise line; and so he called and said, "I have to go mom." This was our signal to come, one last time. I came,and Eric and Rachel came along with their families, to say goodbye to Clay and to their childhood home. The place where they grew up loving each other and fighting with each other and most of all laughing with each other.

When Eric came back after being away for 7 years, he walked and walked and walked through the house. He said, "This feels very strange!" After the first night's sleep, it was obvious he had settled back into his childhood and the feelings connected with it. He relaxed, played with his children and his brother and with me his mom. After a day or so, he said, "I missed this place so much," (meaning this town, Pensacola), "but I'm glad I don't live here now." He has moved on. Pensacola is not how he remembered it. It's not as quiet or safe. Now he has a family and his own home where he is creating traditions and memories of his own. When he went to the beach he said, "Ahh this is nice." He spent 3 days there. Before he went back to Utah, he lovingly, methodically and patiently painted the livingroom and hallway with his brother Clay. They worked together just like they did as children. They did it with the loving care that was evident in their hearts for the place that helped to raise them into the men they are now. When Eric said goodbye to this home, for the last time and went home, he called and said, "I wish I was back!"

Clay flew off to Alaska while Eric was still here. When I took him to the airport, he hugged me hard two times and said, "I love you mama!" I'm not sure he really said goodbye to the house, but maybe he did. Perhaps he said it quietly to himself while he was painting the living room before he left. Clay says he'll be back soon for a visit. When we moved into this house Clay was 18 months old. Now he is 23.

After Clay and Eric left, Rachel came with her family. The morning after her first sleep in the house, she walked through the den and said, "Oh, I love it here!" Today she and her family left early in the morning to go home after being here for a week. She was leaving for the last time. I found her standing in the kitchen, just standing. When she saw me, she dropped her head back, closed her eyes, and the corners of her mouth turned south. I recognized the sign because it was familiar to me - - I'd seen it many times in her life. She was about to let the tears flow. I hugged her and said, "I know! It's the house and saying goodbye to it! "Yes," she said, "and that I know I'll never be back." I said, "I know, me too!"

Eric was in this house for 13 years, Rachel for 14 years and Clay for 21 years. We're thankful for the time it housed our hearts, our lives, our loves, our traditions, our dreams. We learned in this home, we cried and laughed here. We celebrated successes and mourned some losses here. This home was a place of healing on many occasions. This home helped us make decisions, and now it is helping us to move on . . sending us out into the world again. We love you sweet, dear, house - - our growing up place, our home.

This is where Dean and I were married 31 years ago in February. These pictures were taken this past Christmas while we visited Temple Square in Salt Lake City to see the Christmas lights. There were thousands of people walking through and it was freezing cold which adds to the Christmasyness of it. Our son Clay had just flown in from Florida for the holiday and he was actually following clues for a scavenger hunt that a friend of his had prepared for him. She had us running all over the Temple grounds that night. It was Freezing and oh so Fun to see Clay's face light up with each find. I think he is in love with that friend now and time will only tell how that ends up. Maybe he and she will end up here making vows to each other just like his dad and I did on a cold snowy February morning in 1979. If you hadn't noticed this is one of the most beautiful places on earth during the Christmas season.

Two Weeks! Two Months!

As I race through life recently . . . I feel like the fire ants above look. I know you can't see them, but they are there, working feverishly to build another home in my front yard.

The topic of this post is "Two Weeks! Two Months! Two Years" Why? Because my life is H-E-C-T-I-C! Yet, within this same thought is the fact that I am blessed to be able to live it, have time to live it, have FREE time to live it, and, cope with it weekly, monthly and yearly especially in the last two weeks, two months and two years.

My life has done a complete one-eighty in the last year - - TWICE! I was a full-time career gal. Then not. Then I moved to the west - Utah and established a home there and now - - back to Florida again to finalize and sell our home here. Within that time I have gone to Seattle THREE TIMES for more than a few days each time due to need to help and care for family. I have cared for parents in time of need for several weeks, and also moved in with a son and his family, except for weekends,to assist with child care for a couple of months. In between that time I have been able to reconnect with my husband who I lived across the country from for 2 years and am still trying to get back with full-time. We plan to buy or build a new home in Oak City Utah in the next year and be in and settled. When I get there, I'm not leaving the house for at least 6 months. I'm going to wake up every morning and look at my husband and say, "Good morning, it's nice to see you on this rare occasion!" Our love is strong or we would not have made it through the past 3 years of mostly seperation.

If I had kept a daily calendar of the past year, it would reflect that my life has been almost full-time helping others. It has been possibly the most fulfilling time of my life and the HARDEST and fastest passing time of my life. From may of 2009 to May of 2010, it seems like only one month has passed. Life is not worth living if it is always about you. It's only worth living if others know that you stand by ready to be there for them when they need you. Now I'm in Florida caring for ME and my house as I prepare to sell it. One last caring visit to my home of the past 20 years. In approximately 86 days I'll be heading to Seattle again to help my daughter with the arrival and adjustment of a new baby. And so life goes on . . .

Vacation Addendum

I decided it would be nice to write the highlights and low-lights of our vacation which began 10 days ago. We were to arrive back home in Utah tonight. Three of us did arrive home but I stayed behind in Seattle with our daughter to help with some unfinished business. It's interesting that before we left home I felt like I should ask her if she felt that I should stay a little longer at the end of our week. She said, "No I don't need anyone to stay longer!" But still, in the back of my mind, there was this knawing feeling that I should pack more than two shirts and two pairs of pants for this trip - - and so I did that. Turns out I did stay longer because there was a need for me to do that. What do we learn from that? Always listen to your thoughts, feelings, promptings. Don't ask others what they think, just follow your heart! That's all I have to say, now here are the highlights and low-lights of our trip.

1. Picked up parents and headed for Seattle staying one night in Boise ID on the way.
2. Driving with sweet parents who had not been away from home in awhile. We laughed and listened to them talk about the past, dating experiences, school experiences, work experiences. Eating, driving and listening to good music was the best. I always love the drive to a vacation the best - - because of the anticipation of the journey and what it could be.
3. Seeing our four-year old grandaughter Ashlynn and her mom, our daughter Rachel, welcome us on the front porch as we drove into the yard of thier Auburn, Washington home. There is no happier person in all the world than Ashlynn because she has special needs which really is a oxymoron because someone this happy could never really have special needs.
4. Breakfast at the Sun Break Cafe in Auburn. Lunch at IVARS fish house.
5. Driving through Seattle sight-seeing and taking pictures of all the sights of Seattle. I wondered if we would see my favorite movie sights, "Sleepless in Seattle," Frazier's Apartment building, "Love Happens." We did find a house on the end of a pier that looked just like the house that Tom Hanks resided in for "Sleepless in Seattle." That was fun.
6. We found out we're having a grandson in about 4 months and I was at the ultrasound appt. with our daughter when the news broke.
7. One low-light. The doctor called and said our grandaugther may have Cancer. We were on our way home when the news came. Rachel called us in tears and so we went back to her house for a day and I stayed several more days while Dean and my parents went home. Now I know that the prompting that I might stay longer was real and I also know that this is the real reason we planned this trip when we did.

So . . . this trip turned out to be a trip that was about "vacating life" as well as a trip to take care of someone and care for them when a moment of possible crises arrived. There are no coincidences in life. I find that when we are living to the best of our ability, we are put in the places we need to be, when we need to be there. It always happens that way for me anyway. I hope it does for you as well.

Turns out our little Ashlynn does not have childhood cancer and we're thankful for that. More tests are being run to see what she does have. For now we are thankful and know that many prayers over the last three days were answered and may have even turned the blood tests to Ashlynn's good from where they were three days ago - - very bad.

So . . . vacating life is not always what you think it will be when you set out. It can be all that and more - - much, much more.

Vacation

Dean and I and my parents have been on vacation for one week now. We came to Seattle to visit our daughter and grandaughter. Our original plan was to visit them to give them a break while thier husband and father and our son-in-law is deployed in Haiti, helping in the earthquake recovery (2010).

Turns out we not only came to visit them but brought our parents who also needed a get-a-way. They had been through some parental trauma in the last year and that trauma had taken it's toll on thier nerves and was actually diminishing thier state of well-being and happiness, so we put them in the car and we all came.

We have not always been good at vacating life. Everyone should be good at this because life can get pretty busy, tough, strenuous, mentally taxing, physically taxing and not to mention down-right dull at times.

This vacation has been good for Dean and I because in the act of vacating our day to day life we were also helping someone else vacate thiers and we all needed the rest that getting away from life provides.

The dictionary holds the following definitions for the word "vacation."

1.a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday: Schoolchildren are on vacation now.
2.a part of the year, regularly set aside, when normal activities of law courts, legislatures, etc., are suspended.
3.freedom or release from duty, business, or activity.
4.an act or instance of vacating.

I would say that we have failed in accomplishing number 2 above in some respect because our vacations for the most part the past several years have been vacations of necessity which don't really count as vacations do they? Going to see family, attending a funeral, helping a sick child while necessary and needed can put more stress on you than if you had stayed home but we do all these things because we are needed and we love someone else and want to help them in times of crises.

This vacation, we have spent much time laughing, giggling, eating, resting, sight-seeing, loving, sleeping, and resting. I think we have met all of the objectives listed in the dictionary and then some.

Today I went to lunch with my daughter and her daughter and that was perhaps the most joyful part of our vacation because they are so perfect in my eyes and remind me that I want to be more like them - - perfect in almost every way.

Travelling with my parents has also been fun. I haven't done that since I was a very young woman and before that a very young girl. My husband and I have been apart for the better part of the last three years so being together on this vacation has been a wonderful reunion for us all.

Life is tough, vacations are needed and we should never put them off because we are too busy. That is just indication that we need vacations more than anyone else. Hello Realization - I'm one who had to be hit over the head to wake up and vacate life!

Dressing up my Blog belongs to Rachel

I just have to say something about my Rachel. She is my middle child. She is the girl in the family. I'm so glad she is in the middle in between her brothers. When I see my three together with her in the middle I think, "What a perfect place for a sister to be - - in the middle!" In the middle she can be a friend to both brothers and in the middle she was always there to remind them that someday they would find someone like her or not like her.

When she was young and running through the kitchen, at times like a tornado the brothers would quip, "I'm not getting married if all girls are like her!" Then she would do something nice and thier hearts would soften and they were instant friends again. For the older brother, she was always cool, because she knew about cars and trucks and would even go to the races with him. To the younger brother, she had this fantastic quick sense of humor which he loved; and she also loved his hilariousness that came out when they were in the car together or at the beach. To this day, she misses Clay's humor, especially when her life gets a little more stressful than she cares for. They all three did concerts together and still today enjoy laughing over funny YouTube videos. Sometimes I don't get thier humor and what they think is funny but I'm the mom and maybe I'm not supposed to. I get joy just watching them all three laugh at the same thing at the same time.

To her dad and I she is the ray of sunshine who has brought us much happiness. She came into our lives 10 months after her older sister passed away and from the day she was born she was always there to comfort and smile at us as we continued to heal after Annie parted from our family temporarily.

Here's to my Rachel who calls me just to say, "I just called to say have a nice day," and then she has a cute story about Ashlynn before she hangs up. Today it was about Ashlynn's fall off the porch on the way to the bus. My day is always better after she calls because I'm reminded that I did something right because I have her.

Here's to my Rachel who fixes up my Blog because I can't figure out how to do it and don't want to. Here's to my Rachel who spends her husband's hard earned money and her free time on those who have less than she does. Here's to my Rachel who always finds a way to get through her own hard days and also finds ways to makes other people's day brighter at the same time.