Farewells

Pratt Clanton, David Reed (Bishop Reed), Jim Boatwright

Brother Stanfill brought his rider mower every week last year and mowed my lawn. We would sit on the porch and sometimes come in and have lunch together. Sweet man! Very emotional today as he hugged me and said goodbye.

This week I emailed my Bishop to tell him I was leaving to go to Utah next week. Today in Sacrament Meeting Bishop Reed stood up after the opening song and prayer to take care of weekly business before the Sacrament was passed. I was sitting behind him on the organ bench. He said, "This is a very sad day for me. I received an email from Sister Gardner this week. I've been expecting it but trying not to think about it but knew it would inevitably come. She will be leaving us this week to move to Utah to prepare a home that she will be moving into. Before the meeting started I asked her how long she had been the organist in our ward. She said 16 years . . . and so it is with reluctance that I ask you to sustain her as we release her from her callings as Ward Organist and also as the Preach My Gospel Sunday School Teacher. All those who can release her with a vote of thanks, please signify by the raise of the right hand." The audience raised their hands and he turned to look at me and had tears in his eyes. I was very touched by his sentiments in my behalf. Now, the amazing thing is that someone moved into our ward 2 weeks ago who is an organist and a pianist. In all these years no one has ever come who could play the organ. I have been very worried about leaving our congregation for this reason. She was sustained as the new Ward Organist today . . . and I knew that it really is time for me to go. In Sunday School I was asked to give the closing prayer and in Relief Society (the meeting for women) I was asked to stand and share my experiences of sharing my gospel beliefs with others and then to close with prayer again in that meeting. It was at the end of the lesson and I talked to the sisters about always being an example, more than sharing or talking, it's about just being happy and being an example for what we believe and always living what we believe. I asked them to always let people see the light in their eyes which reflects the full happiness they feel while being members of the only true and "living" Church on earth today. Then I gave the closing prayer. While I prayed with and for them I could hear some of their tears. I felt strong love for them and told them that when I attend Relief Society in Utah, I will think of them and they will always be on my heart and always they will be my sisters and I told them I will always remember them. They came up after and hugged me and cried and some told me that they had always looked up to me and longed to be like me. Isn't it funny that you never know the impact you have on people until it's time to say goodbye. Sister Anita Godwin whose husband had just passed away who worked with Dean in the Bishopric wept and kissed my cheek. Sister Bebe Dodge who is our Relief Society President hugged me and wiped her eyes and made me promise to come back and meet them all somewhere for lunch before I leave for the final time. The Bishop's wife, Vonnie Reed, had me to lunch this week and she came up and hugged me and cried. Brother Stanfill (88 years old) came in and could not speak except to tell me he loved me as tears rolled down his cheeks. I promised him that when Dean comes to move us we would come to say Goodbye to him. My young women some who had not been in church for awhile but who were there for Mother's Day came up and hugged me with tears in their eyes. So . . . . I came home with red burning eyes and the only relief from burning eyes is to nap which is what I did. They are my family just like my friends at work were my family. Now it's time to go to real family and I'm way excited. Next Sunday night, we'll have a huge family home evening at my Brother's house. We have that once a month on a Sunday night. Exited to go but I will never forget these people who did nothing but love me unconditionally and served me and cared for and helped me raise my children.

Mother's Day of all days!

Mother's Day Week - - Yeah - - Mother's Day is coming.

Mom, are you ready, it's time to go to church.

Last Mother's Day together at 4100 Bonway Drive. Clay made me breakfast and dinner today. Breakfast? Blueberry waffles. Dinner? Shrimp and Sausange linguini with Broccoli and with garlic and onion sauce. Okay! I taught him how and he followed my directions. It WAS his idea to cook for me. I just told him what I wanted. He said, "Huh?" I said, "I'll tell you how," and we enjoyed it so much.

Mother's Day 2008 - The Three Girls! Rachel sent me a beautiful photo album with pictures of our Mother's Day last year together. I have looked and looked and looked at it today.

Today was a happy happy happy day for me. Mother's Day! It was spent in reflection and retrospection. I woke up and laid in bed thinking about Eric Richard, AnaLee Michelle, Rachel Jean and Clay Aaron. I thought about Dean and the day he and I began our journey together 30 years ago. I thought about the day that we decided to begin inviting children to join our family. That was not a hard decision but it was very joyous and the anticipation was so much fun each time we found out another baby/spirit was coming to our home. We were always prayerful about it and so when it happened, we knew we were partnering with Heavenly Father when a new baby came into our lives. Today I thought about last Mother's Day when Rachel was here with Ashlynn for a couple of month. She and I were both healing from illness and what a special time that was for us as we assisted and loved each other in that process. Today I thought about Clay realizing that this will by my last Mother's day with him possibly for years. He and I went outside before church and took one last Mother's Day picture at 4100 Bonway Drive. Next Year I'll take pictures with Eric on Mother's Day in Utah and Rachel and Clay won't be there. Rachel and I talk about the day that Annie will return when the Savior returns. We talk about raising her together and being with Ashlynn who will no longer have DS. In the millenium, everyone who is ressurected will have no disabilities and be in their perfect form. We can't wait to see who Ashlynn really is and why she was blessed to come to earth and not have to be tested or tried in any way. We talk about the lessons that she is teaching us and are full of gratitude for her and for Annie who is also teaching us by example because of where she is. There are many ways to nurture and mother in this life. I'm thankful I was given the opportunity to do that with my own children. I know they are a gift from god and are not really mine - - really. They've been on loant to us for a time. Through them I have been the recipient of the greatest satisfaction, education and fulfillment I could have ever imagined in this life. Every day, every phone call, every holiday is a new journey of surprise and joy. Then, there is this side blessing or gift of your children growing up and bringing you more children in form of spouses and children of their own. Ahhhhh!! It's just the most amazing thing! That's all I can say about it.

Kids and Gangs/Malls and Change

Destin Commons outdoor mall in Destin Florida - My favorite Mall

Mall of America - - - I've been here - - - It's a blast!

Plans for rebuild of Cottonwood Mall - - Wow!

Cordova Mall, Pensacola

I think I'll venture out to Cordova Mall today. Haven't been in that mall since before Clay graduated from West Florida Technical High School. It is THE mall in Pensacola and it's face has changed dramatically since I was there last. I have this thing about going into malls. I like to walk fast and if you go to a mall in the evening or Friday or Saturday it is full of "kids and gangs." The first time I told a couple of friends this they laughed and each time they saw me after that they'd say, "Kids and Gangs!" It got to be a joke. I'm not prejudiced against kids but I am towards gangs and they try to rule the world and the malls. I know the malls make most of their money from teenagers and rich women who have nothing to do but shop all day for things they don't need. The enclosed malls are extremely clostrophobic because of the clusters of people you have to walk around who are always just walking and talking - - not really shopping - - just sauntering and holding those of us up who are there for a real reason. I can't really fault "kids and gangs" for hanging out in malls because it's what I did when I was a teenager and if you are a kid it seems like a good place to go to kill time; that is if you aren't into reading good books or playing video games or watching the discovery channel.

I grew up in a place that claims to have built the very first Mall in America. Cotton Wood Mall in Salt Lake City, Utah. I loved to go there with my friends, buy a hoagie and hang out all afternoon bringing home some little trinket to prove I had been shopping. By the way, I went looking for Cottonwood Mall on line and it has been demolished and is being rebuilt but will be an entire city when completed that will house stores, business offices, rivers, residences, condos, a city park. I don't think that kids and gangs will be hanging out in places like these as much and businesses will do better because of it. Amazing how communities are changing so fast in recent years. Here's to Malls and progress and yes even kids and gangs hanging out in malls which has forced mall owners to rethink the Mall experience. One last thing, I've been to the Mall of America. Everyone should go there once. It's huge and my legs wore out before I saw all of it. We lost our car because we couldn't remember which level (letter of the alphabet) we had parked on. Anyone who goes there should plan to spend as much time as you would flying to Europe if you want to see it all. My sister bought me new keds just so I could make it to the car when we were done. It was something! It was fun! It was exhausting. BiG! My favorite part was getting soaked on the log ride in Snoopy Land and going to Lego Land. It's a great place. All enclosed and too big and too amazing for there to be even the slightest chance that kids and gangs will be blocking your walking path.

Packing - Oh Boy

Today I packed out the living room and part of my bedroom. I'm going to Utah on Tuesday next (May 12) to spend 5 weeks with my family and most especially my sweetheart who I haven't seen since January 31. I'm so glad that time really does fly because it doesn't seem like 3 months since we've been together. Last night I decided that I couldn't stand it any longer and called and got my flight for Tuesday. When I told Dean, his voice was visibly brighter. We were going to move at the end of this month but there is work to be done in the home we'll be living in Utah. Dean doesn't have time after work and also while recovering from gallbladder surgery. So I'm going out and work on it during the day while he is at work. We'll get it all done and then move first part of July. We'll be able to move right into the house and not into a storage facility this way. Order in all things. I think the house we're living in out west will require cleaning, throwing out and painting and I'll need the 5 weeks to do it I'm sure. I'm looking forward to seeing my son, Eric, and his family, my parents and my brother and his beautiful family. Yeah!!!! A break. Clay got a job this week and his life is moving along. He likes it and he is meeting really interesting people as he works at Enterprise Rent A Car. He and I have had a wonderful 2 months together since he came back from Utah and Seattle. He's ready to be on his own now and I know things are going to start moving forward for all of us. We've sort of been hovering and not going anywhere for awhile. The tower has signalled it's time for us to move in and land now so that's what we're going to do. It may still be awhile before everything is in place and we actually sell our home in Pensacola but that's okay. Rome wasn't built in a day nor was anything that has ever been worth waiting for. There will be at least two moves ahead in the next couple of years but I've watched myriads of military families do this over the past 20 years. I'm up for it.

Today I've been reading poetry on line. I've gone to sites that have poems about every topic imagineable. I've been struck however with the poems about struggle including divorce, depression, loneliness and sadness. What a great way to express our struggles and our joys. Poetry is a form of journalling that can release the soul from whatever is binding it down. Writing is it's own form of therapy. Getting it out or down on paper is always healing. Here is a poem I written by a father who wants more time with his growing children. It is sweetly written and is a true depiction of how every parent and grandparent feels as they watch their sweet children grow up too quickly and leave.

http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=1205

This next poem is on depression. I know about depression and know people who have depression. It can be very debilitating. For anyone who has it I would say, do everything you can to get helpor support in the forms of counnselling and if necessary drug therapy, diet and exercise. . . . or move to Florida which is what I did. We came to Florida and I literally stood in the sun for the first two months and was healed after being sick for two long years. I've had 20 years of wellness. They say depression always comes back and I know I won't be surprised if that happens to me. I have friends who have been sick for years. I love them and hurt right along with them.

http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=21357

Firstborn's family

This is Eric and Jen. This little family is hardworking and never give up. They've had some obstacles in thier lives but always come out on top. As long as they have love and each nothing else matters. They are amazing to watch. Baby number two is on the way. Savannah wants a brother. Daddy likes girls, Jen will be happy with either one but is nervous if it's a boy because she says it will be new to her. She is a wonderful mom and has nothing to worry about.

Savannah Ann Gardner - She's so funny. She might be the funniest person in our family. One of her gifts is the gift of comedy and cracking up her family. HILARIOUS!

Eric and Jen Gardner - February 28, 2004 - Freezing (brrr!) happy beautiful day.

Savannah and Jennifer Gardner

First time I saw Savannah

Was a picture on a screen.

She came very very early

It was almost like a dream.

Now she's almost four

She's lots of fun and giggles

She has a funny funny laugh

And constant running wiggles.

Why is this? and What is that?

And grandma are you coming . . .

To visit me and when you come

Will you bring me somthing?

Savannah asks for everything

To be the color blue.

We don't know why but even

food is more fun in this hue.

Yesterday she had some punch

You guessed? It was blue too!

Her eyes they have a sparkel

And extra twinkles there

There's a hint of angel dust

to make her soft and fair.

When God sent our Savannah

He knew just what to do

He'd create just the right little girl

To make lots of dreams come true.

My visit to Lowe's

I have overcome an insecurity in the last year. Shopping at Lowe's without a man at my side. When Dean would take me there I couldn't leave fast enough because it was always boring to me. I never wanted to learn about repairs, or carpentry or paint because I figured I should always be able to hire it done or watch Dean do it. In the last year that has all changed. I now have the store's layout memorized and can go in with confidence without a man at my side. I now ask questions of the smiling man clerks in the store and I noticed today that they no longer follow me to the place in the store they have sent me to. They used to sense my fear and would take me everywhere. I've come "a long way baby!"

The other thing I enjoy about Lowe's is the people who shop there. They are always dressed nice. Clean and pressed and upscale. Usually you'll see a man or a woman by themselves and rarely will you see couples there. Seldom do you see children. Lowe's is not a place for children except once in awhile you'll see a dad showing his toddler son nails or hammers - - it must be a dad thing. You never hear a crying baby and never see a teenager in there (no kids and gangs)- - no clothes or fast food so they don't go there.

I love Lowe's. I would say that I shop there more than any other store in Pensacola. My favorite part of the store - - the Garden Shop and the Paint Store. I even bought shapoopy disintegrator there during hurricane season last year - - just in case. Who knew!? They have whatever you need. Just ask, they'll have it for you. Lowe's is IT! They have helped this home repairs lady become almost an expert in minor repairs and fit-it up stuff.

Crooked Frames

My daughter and I both have a family malady that has been passed down to us from a great-great grandmother. Her name was Josie May Harr and she later because Josie May Houmand when she married my great-grandfather, Holger John Houmand (Grandpa Holly). Grandma Josie was extremely knock-kneed and Rachel and I are proof that family genes are passed down through generations. Rachel is 4 generations away from Josie but has legs just like Josie. Grandma Josie was a beautiful, beautiful woman but her legs were crooked as are Rachel's and mine. We have pain almost constantly. Hiking, running, walking, biking and even getting out of a chair are all painful knee activities for us. I don't mean to complain but truly staying in good physical condition is more of a challenge for us because our pain prevents our stamina and always has even as children. Grandma Josie had two knee replacements at the end of her life. Thse are things we are born with and adjust our lives and make allowances for.

There comes a day when you can no longer run, jump, skip or even take the stairs. Walking in sand is difficult and getting on a bus or into a truck is scary. It's the pits!

When I worked in rehab I learned about all kinds of body types. The women in our family lean towards endomorph. The men are all mesomorphs (athletes). This stuff is completely fascinating to me even though I'm not flattered by it. http://www.bodybuildingpro.com/bodytypeinformation.html.

One last thing: Houses are all built upside down. Bedrooms, bathrooms, laundry rooms, kitchen, home offices along with a play area for the kids should all be on the ground floor - - ALWAYS! Family Rooms, Living Rooms and activity rooms, TV rooms should always be in the upstairs or basement areas. Home designers often forget that putting a laundry room at the opposite end of the home from the bedrooms makes no sense for moms who make many trips from laundry room to bedrooms every week. I will always live in a rambler or a home with elevators because of my knees. Down with stairs!!! Down with crooked legs! Down with pain!


I have a crooked body frame,
It creaks and cracks and whines.
When I try to walk or run,
It tangles like a vine.

Sometimes it even makes me fall
Of which there is great pain
Not just upon my body but
Moreso in my brain.
I remember one time I was playing
Duck Duck Goose,
I tried to run around the fam,
But my legs just cut me loose.
I fell and bounced and there I was
A lump upon the ground.
The people in the circle looked,
Trying NOT laugh, faked empathetic frowns.
Eeek!

I grind and pop and squeek and drop
And move cau-tious-ly slow,
Then watch others with their macho builds
and wish that I could go grow
A body that is straight and strong
And knees that never grind;
And hips and back that let me walk
And bring me peace of mind.

Now I do have other traits
that make me happy in myself.
The creaks and grinds and snaps and pops
I’ll just put on the shelf - -
Until I try to walk again of which I do dislike
and resort to the only exercise I can - -
My Bike.
Even then my hips and knees
Will try to tempt me – “stop!”
But I just persevere because my HEART says
"Better NOT!"